


two minutes of seven dollar whole foods bread

by lavenderseer



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, im just tryna get in them tags, its the same characters its not like theyre separate, yeahyeah
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-08-04 00:02:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16335893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavenderseer/pseuds/lavenderseer
Summary: unbeknownst to a great rapper turned director, a lone listener has been meticulously deconstructing his music. after a fan alerts him, he can't help but fall in deep.





	two minutes of seven dollar whole foods bread

@tentacletherapist, July 12th, 2018: 

> " _Dave "Shaggy2Dope" Strider is a man of many things. Rich, prose-like lyricism? Not particularly. An understanding of metre and rhythm? It certainly seems to be present. Puns and wordplay? Absolutely. This LP, however, has come laden with an unstoppable wave of utmost chaos. Any semblance of a tape that was once well formed has been violently ripped from my grasp as if I had betrayed the trust of those closest to me. It bestowed unto me bewilderment, concern for the creator's well-being, and some strange feeling as though I were being watched from the middle distance. Over the course of his work, his use of slant rhyme has become more and more liberal, and I would like to remind him -- if he ever were to read this, that is; but considering it is but a mere Twitter thread, I wouldn't foresee that occurring -- that ain't and drink should not be used to create your stanzas.  
>  I say drink due to the fact that he did not use the well known slant of drink to drank, but rather ain't to... een't? That's the best way I could ever dream of typing out the abomination of a word he created aside from using literal phonemes. I hardly believe he'll be the next Shakespeare in terms of shaping the dictionary, but I suppose people felt the same way about Shakespeare in his day. A true artist is always mocked in his own lifetime, or some other saying that's used to exploit the concept of being heavily depressed for your art. Such a belief system, I've never understood. While hard times falling on one can make for great songs, or detailed, deep stories, I don't think it is a prerequisite to artistry. But I digress.  
>  The first two tracks -- 'rocketman but not the elton john one', which I will be referring to as 'rocketman' if I decide to allude to it; and 'yowza howza bout that', which will henceforth be known as 'yowza' -- are much like his older works. That is, to say, nonsense at first hearing, but surprisingly deep all things considered. The other ten songs leave something to be desired. What, you ask? I have no fucking clue, but I can assure you that, even with his heightening fan base, that at the time of writing this, my listens make up a good quarter of the total. I don't know. He recommends his local Denny's, he trashes Whole Foods, he explains so little and yet so much, and it leaves this infuriating enigma around his work. How did he do it? I don't believe these tracks were thought out. They sound raw and as though they were Eminem's first thirteen attempts for Eight Mile. Speaking of Eminem, he absolutely trashes him in 'hey maybe retire dude', and I, for one, could not be happier. The title isn't about him, by the by, it's about Chevy Chase, who is apparently still doing things. He just goes on a long winded tangent about Mister Mathers.  It's admirable, really, the way his music lends absolutely nothing to benefit anyone in this LP, yet I still feel like it could help at least one person. It truly is admirable. It's different. There's some strange incredulousness that surrounds anything Mister Strider has ever done in terms of music, and I don't foresee that changing. He's a modern day Louis XVI, minus the inevitable decapitation at the hands of revolutionary Frenchmen. I will likely update this in the future if I come to some strange epiphany regarding his genius, but I highly doubt it would be anything different than what I've said about his last four albums. Oh, you might be wondering the reason I've never said this one's title. There's a very simple reason for that. It doesn't have one." _

  According to the date, this was posted mere days after he had released it. Dave Strider, now more known for is directing and perhaps his sheer eccentricity, had spent the past few hours or so browsing through a Twitter page's history. Thread after thread labelled, eviscerated, and annotated every line he'd ever produced throughout his ongoing music career. His cheek pressed into his palm as he sat on break, his other hand scrolling through the app. Earlier that morning, a fan with a username he wouldn't dream of alerted him of 'some chick with like 1k followers slammin your work dude but like not even @ing u or nothin', and the entertainer could not even explain how indebted he was to that one fan in particular. Even if his message seemed to be fuelled with malicious intent, seeing a consumer reviewing his work was refreshing. This being said, it was something to be bewildered by. This person had apparently been with him throughout his whole ass career as a musician. It was wild to him that someone would be that dedicated to his work at all. Going through this, tentacleTherapist's (a strangely enticing handle, by his standards) history, they had done this for each album yet. It sent a flutter through his very being.   
  
  After his brief stint of Twitter snooping, he decided that it would be wise to, of course, confront whoever this person was. He felt a connection to them already, as if his heart was already on his sleeve upon even selecting the DMs. Was he sliding into them? Well, sliding was definitely a verb that could be used if someone felt so inclined to do so. He much preferred literally any other one, though. 

\--

  turntechGodhead: howdy

\--   
  A great first start. Needed to make sure this person knew he was from Texas and could immediately use it to make fun of himself. Just had to do that.  
\-- 

  tentacleTherapist: Hi there. Can I help you?   
  
  turntechGodhead: i mean  
  
  turntechGodhead: probably  
  
  tentacleTherapist: How vague and unhelpful.   
  
  tentacleTherapist: Oh, shit. Sorry. You're that director, aren't you?   
  
  turntechGodhead: i mean  
  
  turntechGodhead: i like to think my rap career is the highlight  
  
  turntechGodhead: as apparently your fun lil twitter rants do lmao  
  
  tentacleTherapist: In all fairness, I had never intended for you to stumble upon them.

  tentacleTherapist: Do you always go searching in your indirects?

  turntechGodhead: nah nah

  turntechGodhead: someone sent it to me

  tentacleTherapist: Ah, of course.

  turntechGodhead: i had to consult a dictionary on like at least three separate occasions

  tentacleTherapist: I'm sure it was difficult for you to have to take that time out from your day.

  turntechGodhead: honestly ive never been more in love than when i read your whole ass public evisceration of my latest LP

  turntechGodhead: so it all evens out

\--  
  Ah, yes, Dave. It's always the best idea to immediately put your great adoration on the line here. Unrivalled genius. 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> hey yo i just didnt want this to be deleted so im posting it now but ill try and make like. lllllonger chapters i hope yall enjoy.


End file.
